Best Friend

Dear Taylor,
As your bestfriend I've come to see you in a different light. I see how strong willed you are, how kind hearted you are &&'d hard working you are. I believe in you &&'d I promise every goal you set for yourself you will acheive. Your are my motivation. i Love you so much. I cant wait till' you come home.. &&'d the whole point of this is just to tell you. I appreciate you ♥. est. 2006' till death-- I pinky promise.. ♥.

[someones number one]

being the first thing on someones mind when they awake &&'d the last when they sleep.
being the only one someone loves &&'d  the only one they cant be without.
being someones first priority &&'d their first option

being second is no fun, being second means your no ones number one

I want you to dedicate songs to me, songs I can call my own.
I want moments with you, moments you've never shared with anyone else.
I wanna know secrets, secrets you've never told anyone else.

being second is no fun, being second means your no ones number one

unknown

when you left, everything I love &&'d feared disappeared

your kisses,your touch, your voice

its gone.

the lies, the deceit, the pain

its gone.

its a bitter-sweet feeling

but I cant help but think if..

the bitter out weighs the sweet

Losing My Mind

this isn't how things should be.

but what can I say ? your happy right?

I'm sorry I couldn't be that one

Ive noticed shes given you thing I couldn't

sacrificed thing I couldn't.

Yet I noticed once you were gone I was left with nothing

 I don't know what it is to love since you've left

I don't know what a kiss feels like since your lips left mine

I don't know ME since you left

I have hope I'll find someone like you

&&'d I wish nothing but the best for you two

Yet no one can replace the butterfly's you gave me

the chill-bumps you filled my body with

the safety you provided me with

I LOST it all, when I LOST you

Forgiveness

It's never ending it's the same shit over and over again, you constantly blame me for our failure . It wasn't me it was you, it was you who wouldn't forgive me and move on away from the past. I apologized a thousand time, the burden is no longer on my shoulders but something you need to think about and get over. I never meant to hurt you but things happen &&'d out of all people I expected you to get up &&'d keep on moving w. me you've expressed thousands of times how you couldn't live without me and how you loved me so much but yet you go day by day without even thinking about me you make no effort to better things but yet I'm the one to blame. I will no longer take blame for something that was forgivable. But know were done I'm moving on have a good life.

Back to December

I hear you come home in, December &&'d the first thought that runs through my mind is.. "are things gonna be the same?  is he gonna spend every day,night, every breath with me?".. That's how things use to be when he comes home. But then I realized things are different, not because we changed but our circumstances changed. Not knowing if this child is yours or where I stand in your life at this moment is breaking me down day by day. I don't know how to cope with the fact that I could possibly lose you, lose what WE'VE worked 4 hard long years for. &&'d thinking its all gone to waste just because of a mistake.

 I hope and pray everyday that this is just another obstacle that WE will overcome TOGETHER. Hoping that things between us don't change.because what we had was magical. we had our ups and downs but it never mattered I knew you were gonna be there when I needed you.

 I just wish I could go back to December..

Rihanna OFFICAL We Found Love Video

http://vimeo.com/dontbesquared/wefoundlove

Rihanna- We Found Love

It’s like you’re screaming, but no one can hear.
You almost feel ashamed that someone can be that important,
that without them you feel like nothing.
No one will ever undertsand how much it hurts.
You feel hopeless, like nothing can save you.
And when it’s over and it’s gone,
you almost wish that you can have all that bad stuff back
so that you could have the good.

Where you at ?

Its been 3 years of smiles &&'d tears but not once did I leave your side. While fighting for my safety over seas I stayed loyal to you &&'d in return I got nothing. I was still there. When times got hard I was there to pick up the pieces. You told me you would change, you told me I could depend on you, Where you at ? You told me you will never leave my side, you told me I was the only one for you, Where you at ? You said you will protect me but you were the only one I needed protection from. I stand here heart still open, hope still high &&'d love stronger than ever asking where you at ?. You said you would be the one that will never leave, I waited. But you'll never showed. All your false promises I still stood there by your side but when I look to the left of me &&'d all I see is my reflection in this mirror, where you at ?

An ode to MYSELF

Dear Self,

Things happen &&'d people change
 Some stay &&'d Some leave
Through it all you were by myside
When I fell you helped me up
When I got ahead, its cause you were pushing me
You brighten my night &&'d day
I know you will be there till' the death of me
I just wanna say thank you!

Our Last Night

After months of not talking or seeing each other we finally met up. It wasnt the whole romantic I miss you &&'d wanna be with you typical love story. Nope it was more like a drunk night with false promises &&'d consistant lies.

He comes &&'d picks me up. He's drunk[as usual] &&'d ready to go back to his place. This is both our first night back home &&'d we end up with each other, one may think this was a sign that we were meant to be together. [I think its a sign I cant get rid of his ass]. So we get back to his place &&'d were chilling watching a movie[as he continues to drink]. Then one thing leads to the next &&'d you get the picture.

So this is where the lies &&'d false promises started &&'d ENDED.

He starts off talking about how much he loves me &&'d without me he's not the same person, [blah blah, the same ass lies i heard the night he cheated on me]. then he goes on about starting a family with me &&'d how he wants to marry me.[this is what i wanna hear but i know its all lies] i have a huge smile on my face, my heart is full of hope &&'d ready to open back up.
THEN, we wake up. I go home &&'d we end up in a huge argument[ which i couldnt tell what about] &&'d we havent spoke since.

 Our Last Night Together.

Ok, some of you may be thinking what the heck, your heart must be broke. But No my heart is a solid as it was the first day I met him, the first day I fell in love with him &&'d the first,second,third,&&'d last day he broke my heart. Im growing up &&'d I dont have time to fall head over heels for his or any one else fale promises &&'d constant lies.

Some may be wondering how is your heart still whole, My heart is still whole because my heart still has hope, I have hope that one day, one glorious day a Real man will come in my life &&'d fulfill every promise &&'d never whisper a white lie.

Denim Day Dedication

On April 25,2011 LA,CA and USA celebrated Denim Day. Some of you may be wondering what Denim Day is. Well in Italy 1990, an 18-year old girl is picked up by her married 45-year old driving instructor for her very first lesson. He takes her to an isolated road, pulls her out of the car, wrestles her out of one leg of her jeans and forcefully rapes her. Threatened with death if she tells anyone, he makes her drive the car home. Later that night she tells her parents, and they help and support her to press charges. The perpetrator gets arrested and is prosecuted. He is convicted of rape and sentenced to jail. He appeals the sentence. The case makes it’s all the way to the Italian Supreme Court. Within a matter of days the case against the driving instructor is overturned, dismissed, and the perpetrator released. In a statement by the Chief Judge, he argued, “because the victim wore very, very tight jeans, she had to help him remove them, and by removing the jeans it was no longer rape but consensual sex.”   Enraged by the verdict, within a matter of hours the women in the Italian Parliament launched into immediate action and protested by wearing jeans to work.
 Denim Day was formed to bring awareness to women and men that sexual violence is never OK, regardless of how tight your clothes are, how reveling your clothes are, etc. It does not give the right to any one to violate you.!. So now wear your jeans proud and uniquely and stand up for sexual violence prevention.!

*If a victim of sexual violence please contact police authority and/or talk to someone you trust, so they can contact authority. NO means NO !

Judgemental is never a way to live

Recently I've been observing my peers &&'d alot of people are judgemental of others or think of them in certain ways because of sterotypes. I think this is ignorant &&'d shows your lack of knoweledge. There is no need to tell someone what their doing is wrong, when your not living a perfect life either. When you see people dont automatically think negative of that person it does nothing but cause personal conflict. If someone judged you off of apperance or race you would be hurt &&'d want to prove to that person you aren'nt what they think you are. My point is to give people a chance before labeling them. It's only fair. God didnt judge you before he made you .

 <3.

I am not the girl you expect me to be, but what i expect of myself. So...

Squint your eyes and look closer. I'm not between you and your ambitions. I am a poster girl with no poster. I am thirty-two flavors and then some. And I'm beyond your peripheral vision, so you might want to turn your head. 'Cuz some day you are gonna get hungry, and eat all of the words you just said.

:D

Deep in my heart I'm concealing things that I'm longing to say. Scared to confess what I'm feeling - frightened you'll slip away.”

Taylor dont know how to answer her phone.

For JustAshley :D

Hello AGAIN

Hey, Blogger

Rule Book !.[ rules will be added]

 Hi, you all may know me but in case you don't my name is Nay &&'d this is a small rule book. I came up with these rule as I experienced them I hope it helps :D

Rules for "Friends with Benefits"
 Rule # 1 : NO KISSING - kissing complicates everything !. simple
Rule # 2 : No Snuggling - why are you guys snuggling?! your not a couple
Rule # 3:  No eye gazing - that too is for couples
Rule # 4 : No holding hands- that's for couples, in case you didn't know
Rule # 5 : No PDA(public display of affection) - once again you are not a couple.
Rule # 6 : No pet names !!!- i.e. babe, honey, babby. etc. you get the point
 Rules 1-6 are common sense rules you do not do these things because you are not a couple ! those are couple activity's you are not a couple you guys are Fucking Friends , keep it that way !.
Rule # 7 : Do not talk about "Him" to other people.- they'll automatically think he's your boyfriend &&'d then there comes an explanation
Rule # 8 :  Do not go on dates- causes horrible loving memories
Rule # 9 : Do not go shopping together - it only causes horrible loving memories
Rule #10 : No sleepovers- sleeping over implies cuddling and as I said before CUDDLING is for couples.
These rules for "Friends with benefit" are intended to keep you guys as "friends with benefit's" in my experience it allows those unnecessary feelings that cause people to fall in love to no be formed &&'d it save you &&'d the world  heart ache.

Only ignorant minds think alike

Recently I have been hearing my peers talk about what they expect form their "Man" or "Woman".


This is what ignorant guys expect from woman: they expect woman to do what ever they say, have to mind, be sexually available when ever they need it and to depend on themselves for everything.
^ that is not what a "Man" expects from a "Woman" , but what a "Boy" expects from a "Girl"


 This is a what a chick expects from a man: they expect a man to have his whole life together by the time he's 21, to take care of her, to be the a nice ,not overly sexual and to attend to her every need.
^ this is not what a "Woman" expects from a "Man" but what a "Girl" expects from a "Boy".


 This is reality : A "Man" and a "Woman" are not equal partners a "Man" is suppose to be supportive, loving, caring, honest and financially stable and a "Woman" is suppose to be supportive, loving, caring, honest and financially stable.

Ah I see my readers are confused because I name the same quality's for both a "Man" and a "Woman" , See where the inequality come in at is where the support, love, care, and financials are disputed. A man can more financially stable than caring and vise-verse, the couple should always discuss things like that.Which makes a stable and healthy relationship between a "Man" and a "Woman".

Quote of the week :)

"There is always more knowledge to learn, always more experiences to experience, always more tears to shed, and more coughs to cough. There is always more life to live."
---Erin Leigh Walder

My Apology

I can honestly say I did you wrong. Left you when you needed me the most. I admit I let you down. I apologize.
 I can honestly say you gave me your heart, No I did not break it but I put a little tear in it. I apologize.
I can honestly say you put all your trust in me &&'d I let you down. I apologize.

The fact that I recognize that I did wrong &&'d I accept the consquence's which result in me Losing your trust,your love &&'d what we had.

 It's not if I cheated or lied. I was selfish. I left you when you were in need. I left to fulfill my own happiness. It's not if my Happiness was'nt with you but my Happiness was being challenged. I apologize.

Now with all that being said, I need you to accept my apology, put all this behind us, stop looking at me different. Im the same person, I love you the same. So please my love, take my hand &&'d follow me as I continue on with my life. Just know im moving with or without you. I cant stand in one place, I have to move on I need you by my side. If you feel as if you cant stand by me &&'d stand up tall &&'d be strong w. me. Im leaving you, you'll be lost in the crowd. I said my goodbyes, I apoligized the burden is no longer mine. It's your choice to forgive me.

Love, Nay

Know Your Next Move

YAY! I've complete my first quarter in college. It was hard being far from home &&'d my friends but it's all worth it. I passed all my courses &&'d moving on the right track. I love college, I've learned so much about myself &&'d what I want out of life. I don't think college is for everyone but I do think college is more than a place to extend your knowledge but extend who you are as a person. I've came to the conclusion that I want to be a professional cheerleader &&'d open up my own business. Either a cupcake shop with my best friend or my own event planning business. I'm so determined I might do both :) ;; It just feels so good to know where your going in life, to know where not to turn &&'d who not to turn to. Once you find who you are &&'d what you want in your life there's no room for mistakes, no room for bullshit. You have to stay focused &&'d determined to reach your goal. So words of wisdom surround yourself around people who know who they are &&'d where they want to be in life; surrounding yourself by people who are still finding themselves &&'d don't know where they wanna be only makes you question yourself &&'d they bring you down. &&'d that's not where you wanna be.

-Stay positive &&'d Stay blessed.

the way i really feel

who do you think you are to come in and out of my life?! we should not be together, we should not associate. the things you've done to me are unforgiveable. all i ever ask'd you to do is be honest with me. you lied, cheated and accused me of the unthinkable. what happen to you wanting to marry me?! now that you found someone whos gonna drop on there knees and do what ever the fuck you want them to do you just up and leave me, im the only one who stood up to you, told you the truth , stayed faithful and you rather chose a kid whos spinless ass fell inlove w. you over two weeks over me. 4 years of my life i wasted on pleasing you and being the person you wanted me to be. Now, that im over you, can care less about you your trying to weasle your way back in my life, tell me a little more lies and tell me everything is gonna be alright?! not this time my friend. im done. there will be nothing you say that would even slightly change my mind or even make me fall inLove with you. so goodbye and nice day ! ♥

all i ask of you..

&&'d all i ask of you is when we fall inLove, is that you love the person you are when you're with me;

&&'d only if you really knew me.

I've always been that girl that everyone wants to talk about and make rumors about, because they wanna  live my life. My advise to all of you is create your own life &&'d stop trying to imitate mine. My life is'nt as great as it looks. If you really knew me you would know that I dont get every guy I want. It's not easy being pretty &&'d smart, all guys want is sex. It's hard to find someone who is genuine. If you really knew me you would be able to see the sadness behind my smile. If I never smiled you would know the hurt behind all of the drama you haters cause me. I dont like to be hated on I dont Love my Haters, like wtfk go away &&'d mind your own business. If you really knew me you would know that im selfish. The most selfish person you would ever meet in your life, you may think I'm such a good friend &&'d great but EVERYTHING I do is to benifit me somehow. This is a dog eat dog world and you gotta be selfish to achieve life life. Im an over achieve &&'d I refuse to fail in life, so I will gladly pretend to be your friend to get what I want. If you really knew me you would know how much I care about what others think about , me how I try to be perfect in everyones eye. It's not easy &&'d I seem to be failing at it.
Now, that you know cut me some slack. Everyone is'nt perfect but it doesnt hurt to try. ♥

New Insight

Well over the last 7 months there has been some dramatic changes in my life &&'d it's really caused me to look at things different, relationships,money,friendships will never be the same. I've learned something about relationships &&'d i wont be in a serious one unless I'm in it for good. I dont wanna play high school games. Money i've really need to learn to save, im not living with my parents anymore im on my own &&'d i just cant go splurging like i use to. friendships im set on friendships, i dont need new friends. im always down to meet new people but as of a friendship i dont see any new ones. I just am so happy now, i love everything im doing with my life &&'d i have a strick plan that WONT FAIL.

Breaking Point

Have you ever loved someone you would sacrifice everything for them, take the clothes off your back to keep them warm. Well I had that love &&'d it just crushed my heart. we argued nonstop he got on my nerves but yet I still wanted to be with him. Our break up left questions I wanted to be answered. So today I got those answer &&'d I am pissed at myself for asking I could have went on with life without knowing he felt that way. I finally know he does not love me but he does love the girl he cheated on me with. AHHH my heart was crused 3 years of my fuckn life, we went through everything. &&'d he doesnt love me anymore how am I suppose to accept someone I spent 3 years with could stop loving me after 3 months apart. Well I learned a huge lesson, I'm putting the hole together that he broke &&'d I'm now ready to get on with life. I'm glad I had that reassurance now I know I'm not missing out on anything.
_Mooie♥.

A ♥ I Don't Wanna Be Apart of...Anymore

I'm going to take you back to when it all began.
Summer 09, meet you &&'d we were great. Hung out everyday, the s** was great,conversaton was endless, &&'d you never put a frown on my face. I was "having my cake &&'d eating it too."
Now, lests jump to 2010.
We were on the ends every now &&'d then. We started to argue, I guess thats when I realized I liked you. I thought I was doing good. A year had past &&'d our feelings were beginning to grow, not to fast not to slow. But your problem was expressing your feelings, I drew back a bit, giving you your space. Then I began to Love you, everytime I thought about it I threw up alittle bit in my mouth, thats not how I wanted things between us to be, I wanted the laughs,the jokes, the flirting to continue. Our feelings never being involved.But I could'nt ignore my heart anymore,so I let it be know. iLoved you.
It's 2011, babby.!
You told me you loved me,after a arguement. I dont believe it.I never will. We dont talk &&'d the slightest joke, song, movie, cereal, name, reminds me of you. I wish I could get you out of my head but I still love you. We talk occacionally but I get the feeling it's not really there anymore. Converastion is awkward, no more laughs, finally I shed a tear for you, &&'d you make me frown everyday. Never did I think it could get this way. Though you could be, ahaha. that one. I've moved on physcially, but mentally you still have my heart. I cant get over the fact that,.I'm stuck loving you &&'d I dont want any part of it.

My Best Friend &&'d My Back Seat Buddy.

In life we all come across that one person that always there for you, whether it's family, friends,a boyfriend, girl friend, etc. that person leaves a place in your heart that cant be replaced. Well that person for me is my best friend Ricky Allen or Allen as I like to call him. We dated in a past life,lol freshman year of highschool. But it didnt workout, we're really close we dont get jealous when it comes to each other. He's always there when I need to talk to him, about anything. Now that I'm in college 2 hours away from home I miss him like crazy, he has a girlfriend , 2 jobs &&'d he goes to school. So we are slightly falling off. What am I to do? Of course we have feeling for each other but I see it as a sacrifice, I rather be his best friend than his nothing at all. Over all he's a great guy &&'d iLove him. As for him being my backseat buddy well that speaks for its self  I was afraid that it would change the way we feel about each other but it has'nt I still love him as much as I did before that day &&'d I dont mind him being with other people. Cause as he told me it's J &&'d R for life.

10-2006 iLove my Back Seat Buddy♥

Im a Horrible Lier

So, I've been talking to this boy for about a year &&'d a half now,were not serious but our feelings are strong for each other. We've told each other I Love you, but thats it ,once ,no need to repeat it. So I was texting my friend to tell her something,about this"speical person" but it was a lie. ( reminder: i dont lie, im a bad liar, i mean really bad liar) so I didnt send her the message I sent it to him, WOW!. he text me saying wow you sent it to the wrong person, lmfao your a smart liar. SO this just taught me dont lie, like I dont even know why I lied but it seemes like a grea idea, for this day on I vow not to lie. at ALL, unless it involves my well-being. lmfao.

Lesson Learned: dont lie, especially if you cant lie &&'d everyone knows it.

Frienships

Throughout life you meet new people everyday, some people become your friends &&'d others become your enimies.Well Im 19 years old, a freshman in college &&'d I have all the friends I need in life. After a certain age( 16) you should'nt make new friends, theres no time to gaint that trust &&'d that bond. My oldest friendship is 15 years(1998), my god-sister Breyannah, she's a year older than me &&'d she's white. She's been there for me through EVERYthing, we've lasted through the movings,the drama &&'d the arguments theres noone int his world I trust more than her. Then theres Taylor &&'d Quia I meet them two our freshman year in High School(2006). We cheered togethr &&'dlived our highschool years together, when something went wrong I knew I could count on them. Quia just recently had a babby(yesterday, January 27,2011) &&'d through all the drama I'ms till here, I love her &&'d Taylor they mean the world to me. Then there's Ashley &&'d Destiny(2008). Destiny is the girl I go to when I need a master plan &&'d answers I love her &&'d respect everything she does, she's strong &&'d taught me alot. Ashely is becoming a great friends of mine were close but it's room for growth.

 Making new friends, especially inc ollege is hard, you dont know who you can trust or who trust you, theres always that one girl who objective is to make your life a living hell,so my advice to you is to not even bother with that crow, im not saying dont socialize but make sure you keep them at an arm lengths distance.

My objective is to show everyone that there are good people out there there are life long friends, I dont want to make new frinds at all, Im happy with my gang &&'d were gonna be together till' death do us part.


"A friend is one who believes in you when you have ceased to believe in yourself."
- Sent by Lysha

A New Begining

After the hardships in life alot of people try to start over, i dont view a new begining as starting over but continuting on in life with what you have &&'d making the best of it. Dont eliminate people out of your life but put people in there places as of significance. Allow those you trust to stay close &&'d the ones you dont far away, Always remeber you can't trust anyone but yourself and God. Never look back on things &&'d regret them but look back &&'d learn fromt him. Yes, I know it sounds typical but it's true. I've learned alot from my past, I've enjoyed every minute of my partying, my schooling &&'d especially cheering. There of course are flaws in between all this happiness but nothing can ever change what made me who I am today. So when you begin your New Begining, keep those you loved ones around, learn from those who treat you qrong. but always forget to forgive forget &&'d trust in yourself.